I Have No Words

     I haven't been able to write anything regarding the horrible situation I find myself in. Brian fought SO VERY HARD to stay with me and be my love. Unbelievably, on March 22, 2019, on a beautiful Friday morning, my sweet husband breathed his last at 11:00 am. My heart and my mind cannot really comprehend the loss I feel. Brian did absolutely everything to fight this horrific disease. He tried another round of Keytruda but developed pneumonitis almost immediately. So he tried radiation...that was the thing that really made the cancer fight back...but it was the only treatment we could try.  Even with him feeling so very terrible, we went to Florida with brother and sister in law and to Franklin, NC to mine for rubies and sapphires. By Christmas he was on oxygen because the tumor had made his lung collapse. By Valentine's Day he couldn't really do much on his own. By his 61st birthday on March the 5th, he was in Hospice care. I didn't want him to be in the hospital for the end...so I insisted he come home. He stayed alert and talkative until the very end. He knew he was dying and kept a wonderful attitude and worried about everyone but himself. He was surrounded by people who love him...and we loved him right into Heaven. My heart is broken. I don't know how to go on...but I keep waking up every day. I tell him that he'll have to help me get through the day since he woke me up...but I'd rather die with him. My life is over.